Dora's Flashfiction: Ironfold Of The Wayst

[Dora]

Heres a piece of flash fiction I wrote not too long ago. Tell me what you think!

Ironfold Of The Wayst

Ironfold was the barer of fourteen children. The eight unto his first wife were of the age now, and were ready to be sent out into the Welgrard Wayst. The five unto his second and third wives were sold off as future generals to their allied nations.

The Welgrard Wayst was a track of land that stretched out between the Welgrardion Houses (the nation under Ironfold and indeed the legacy to be passed down to the eight heirs) and the Wulf Mountains. Beyond the teeth of that range, which was the westernmost edge of the world, lay the ocean.

The Wayst was a savage place. There was a fable about it that many young mothers in the Houses would tell their children before sending them to bed. It was about a explorer named Jonn with one eye and eleven fingers, who'd conquered the Wayst by slaying the great beast Yulgrarion.

Yulgrarion was a gaunt, ragged bear god with a flat face. Many said that when he stood on his haunches, he towered into the skies and melded with the sun itself. Such an image had become the embodiment of the grim Wayst, etched into the collective souls of the House people—cruel and thick and heavy with pure nature.

Jonn was just as much a god amongst men as Yulgrarion was a god amongst the creatures of the land. He'd led an expedition to map the region, from its barren north flats to the lush south, and single-handedly dealt with the vicious land. When he encountered Yulgrarion for the first time he'd lost his arm to the bear god. On that day, for the sake of his companions, he retreated. While his friends slept that night he ventured back to Yulgrarion's realm.

It is said that the blood from their battle ran so long that it cut deep into the earth and formed the Jonrard River—one of three major bodies of water in the region. As the story goes, Jonn defeated Yulgrard after being pinned to one of the ancient goll trees. He locked Yulgrarion's head so that the bear could not escape Jonn's grasp. When the beast struggled for freedom purchase, they broke the old tree in half and it crushed them both under its skyward lengths.

Huyt didn't believe in fairy tales though. Being the youngest of the heirs, he was less concerned with gods and more concerned with the blades of his brothers finding him, for there could only be one Ironfold or the Welgrard Houses.

[rolland]

I like it. Very deep for a flashfiction.

[MarauderIIC]

I might have chosen words with the same feel that were easier to pronounce. If I get confused about how to pronounce something in my head, I get hung up on it, and it ruins the flow.

But interesting, and well-written. I found myself wondering if his friends knew he retreated for their sake, or if he didn't tell them and didn't mind appearing weak(er). I'm not sure if this should be in the "Game Design" forum since it's not "Game Design" but it is writing. :)

[Dora]

Well, Wayst is pronounced just like "waste." However, using the work "waste" would be too direct and blunt for my style. =D

I know what you're saying though. I'm usually pretty good about keeping my names simple, but I intentionally went a bit farther out on this bit.

Additionally, writing and game design aren't that far removed from one another. And besides, this is the "off-topic" section.

[rolland]

I'm not sure if this should be in the "Game Design" forum since it's not "Game Design" but it is writing.

Additionally, writing and game design aren't that far removed from one another. And besides, this is the "off-topic" section.

Yeah Mar, I think you're a little confused.

[MarauderIIC]

Well, I mean, Game Design forum is supposed to be geared toward creativity; I guess I was thinking that maybe we should rename Game Design something broader, so that quality writing like this doesn't get lost in the general blah of the General forum.

[rolland]

Well, I mean, Game Design forum is supposed to be geared toward creativity; I guess I was thinking that maybe we should rename Game Design something broader, so that quality writing like this doesn't get lost in the general blah of the General forum.

OK, now I think I understand what you're saying. Perhaps we could rename it the "Creativity Forum."
<cough> Maybe a writing forum? Besides, I doubt it would be large enough to be a strain on the server. Maybe as a sub-forum somewhere?</cough>
EDIT:
You know, I'm now tempted to upload some of my stuff. Wait, I'd have to find it first. Be Back Later. *Goes and digs through Archive*